Flatbreads and cat
bliss
skyrabbit
I don't know if this is a common thing, but my tastebuds seem less sensitive in the mornings, as if they hadn't woken up properly yet.  I can tolerate (in fact enjoy) much spicier food at breakfast than in the evening.

I am working on a recipe for gluten-free flatbreads, using a 50:50 mix of brown rice flour and gram flour.  They are mixed to a dough with yoghurt, so they hold together well enough to roll out and cook on a griddle pan.  I made some last night and overspiced and oversalted them, though they tasted okay when I heated up what was left for breakfast this morning.  It's quite exciting to have found a new bread-type thing I can eat.  They'd be nice with hummus or alongside a tagine or something.  Going to try making some more this afternoon (they are very quick and easy), being more conservative with the spices and salt.

I've got a day's leave today.  I'll shortly be taking Bam Bam to the vet for a weight check and claw clip.  Luckily it's just stopped raining, so I probably won't need to wrap a bin bag around her box (though will probably take one with me in case it starts up again).  Bam Bam will be 18 next Tuesday.

Hydrogen, hydrogen, calcium, silicon
waterfront
skyrabbit
Well, it's a particularly unpleasant New Year's Day here - cold and wet.  So I probably won't be going on the country walk I'd been thinking of.

Still, it's good to be home.  We got back yesterday afternoon.  Bam Bam is pleased to be back by her gas fire.  (Dad's house was warm, but she loves her fire.)  Being at Dad's was difficult for me in all the usual ways, and not drinking made it more so.  I felt very much out on a limb.  On the drive back I was wondering whether to get a half bottle of champagne for New Year, having just a tiny glass myself and leaving the rest to partner - it seemed somehow wrong not to be having a drink on New Year's Eve - but in the end I didn't.  The last time I tried even a very small amount of alcohol it put me in a horrible mood the next day, and since I've only got today before I go back to work (and quite a lot to do today) I didn't want to risk messing it up.  Partner went out for a couple of hours, came back to cook a meal for us and then went out for another hour.  We watched the midnight fireworks on the telly together.  Then he fell asleep on the sofa, snoring, so I went to bed.

Now I'm glad things will be getting back to normal and (hopefully) I will feel less deprived without all that festive pressure.  (Though there is still partner's birthday a week today ...)

This afternoon I'm going to make some more of my SF apple tarts - with some mango in as well.

(no subject)
waterfront
skyrabbit
There's something odd going on:  I can't read any LJ comments.  When I click to look at them a screen comes up saying how many comments there are but without the comments there.  Anyone else getting this, or knows what to do about it?

(no subject)
wibrel
skyrabbit
I think I'm just making one New Year's resolution this year:  to get more sleep. 

There are plenty of other areas of my life that I'd like to improve, but I feel that this one is fundamental to everything else.  When I get enough sleep my moods are better; I'm not so stressed; I cope better at work; I enjoy my free time more; I'm more likely to take the trouble to cook healthy food and more inclined to take exercise; and I'm less likely to rely on pick-me-ups like sugar, cigarettes and alcohol.

I have a great resistance to going to bed early, but I'm going to try.  Go for quality in terms of waking hours, rather than quantity.

Sounds like a pretty boring resolution - but from it many more exciting things may arise ...

Worrying
sucked in
skyrabbit
I know I worry too much. I know worrying is a total waste of time and energy. But it is so hard to stop.

I worry especially when I feel I have said the wrong thing or not handled something as I should - particularly at work. It scares me. I think I have a deep-rooted belief that if I put a foot wrong I will get into horrible trouble and bring everything crashing down - spoil everything that is good in my life. I suppose it dates back to my childhood (my father's attitude towards me, in particular.) I somehow don't believe I can get away with anything. No matter how good I am most of the time, one step out of place and there will be no mercy.

I'm on holiday now, but I can't stop worrying about something at work yesterday. I do hope I can manage to get it out of my head soon, so I can relax and actually enjoy my time off.

(no subject)
wibrel
skyrabbit
I'm enjoying getting back into playing the keyboard. I've bought the book and CD for Grade Four of the Associated Board. Not intending to actually take the exam, but it's nice to have a level to aim for. I only ever took Grade One as a child, but I reckon that (with a bit of a stretch!) Grade Four is where I am now.

Having the CD of the pieces is really helpful. I listen to it on the bus to work, following along with the music. There's a Schubert waltz I absolutely love. I can't get it out of my head - in a good way: I find it really uplifting.

Pebbles has (I think) put on a bit of weight. She is getting really fed up with the tablets though, and is spending a lot of time outside trying to avoid them. We've found the best time to give them to her is when she's in her basket upstairs. That way she's contained, and partner can do it by himself without me having to hold her (which she absolutely hates).

Looks like we probably will be going to my dad's for Xmas. I don't feel so panicky about it now. (Though I am yet to do any Xmas shopping!)

Today I received in the post a stack of braille paper, and a braille reference guide which I am looking forward to devouring. I applied for the bursary for the course, but haven't heard anything yet.

It's been a while since I've had time to do any real work on my braille music notation, but I did add a couple of refinements to it today. Maybe over Xmas I will do more.

(no subject)
my jumper
skyrabbit

Pebbles (cat in the icon) had been getting really thin, in spite of a voracious appetite, so we took her to the vet a couple of weeks ago. She had a blood test, which revealed that she has hyperthyroidism (which is apparently quite a common problem in older cats). So she's on daily tablets, which she definitely does not like - but I think they are beginning to have an effect. Slightly less skinny, and also fluffier and less restless. She's due for another test next week.


(no subject)
waterfront
skyrabbit
By the end of this week I should have done everything I need to for my NVQ.  Which will be a great relief:  it hasn't been what I would call fun.  Next thing is to try and get funding for the braille course that starts next February.

(no subject)
waterfront
skyrabbit
Think I've been gluted again.  Most likely culprit is the market cake stall.  It's always a bit russian roulette there because they are so careless about cross-contamination with their tongs, but the cakes are so yummy I still go back.  I think next time I will ask if I can take the cake myself using my fingers.

Better news:  I have given the bedroom a tidy and freed up a chair which was previously acting as a wardrobe, so that I can sit down to play my keyboard.  This has made a huge difference - rather than just playing a few pieces not very carefully and getting fed up, I am now getting down to some proper practice.  I've chosen four pieces to work on and I'm doing it properly and methodically (plus even scales and exercises first!)  It is so much more satisfying - I feel as if I will now actually make some progress rather than frustratingly staying at the same level all the time.  Lessons would be nice, but I can't afford them.  Anyway, it's the practice that really makes the difference.  I've decided to do it as a "transition activity" when I get home from work.  I'm always a bit dithery and at a loss then, finding it hard to settle down.  I think this will help.  I'm already looking forward to today's practice!

I'm off to the psychologist shortly for my OCD session.  Hoping it will be better than last time.

Thoughts of Xmas are really beginning to oppress me.  I spoke to Dad on the phone last night and he said "You will be coming for Christmas, won't you?" and I felt an awful panicky sinking feeling.  I didn't actually say yes - I had been sort of resigning myself to going, but at those words I suddenly and violently felt I didn't want to.  Can I get out of it?  Is such a thing possible?

(no subject)
xstitchwibreli
skyrabbit

Oh yes, that's the other thing I forgot to write - for a couple of days before this cheering thought, I had been feeling really low.  And I was tired of fighting it - the struggle was just wearing me out.  So I found myself saying to myself:  Let's just go there.  I visualised it as a shady lane turning off from the main road.  I'd been resisting walking down that lane, because I was afraid of where it might lead.  But now I just wanted to go there rather than to continue to wear myself out with the struggle.  I was, of course, afraid it would lead me into depression.  Although I haven't had real depression for the past five years.  But there was a big relief in the thought of stopping struggling and just going there, wherever it might lead. 

And so for a couple of days I stayed in that state of deciding not to struggle and feeling relieved - then I got the cheering thought and my mood improved! 

So maybe sometimes stopping struggling is a good thing.


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